What.
A.
Night.
I walk into Bible study to get hammered by three sweet friends about my post yesterday.
In Bible study.
Seriously?
I guess what better place. . .what was I gonna do?? Start a shouting match?
I want to make sure that everyone understands, I give the enemy no credit whatsoever for anything that he does.
But, I also know that I have some folks following my blog who claim that I am an inspiration to them (that's what they say. . .go figure!)
Anyway, I want them to understand that the journey will not be easy.
The enemy will be lurking around every corner.
And we have to consciously decide to take him down before he sneaks in.
I could've taken my pity party and considered it a defeat.
But I didn't.
My God is bigger than that.
And I am BELIEVING HIM to see me through this process.
Obesity is an illness.
I didn't get this way in a week, and I am not going to be healed in a week.
I read this statement in "Made to Crave" this morning, and it had a PROFOUND influence on my thinking:
"I am a Jesus girl who can step on the scale and see the numbers as an indication of how much my body weighs and not as an indication of my worth."
When I get to the point that I can look at the scale and be able to claim that statement for my own, I will consider myself victorious.
Not over the weight I've lost, but over the struggle to destroy the vicious cycle I am have been in of losing, gaining, losing, gaining, and losing again.
I am not going to be a part of that cycle anymore.
And I have God to help me through it.
Something I've never had belief and trust in while losing weight before.
My body is a temple, fashioned by His hands, breathed on by His breath.
I'd say that makes me doggone special.
And, I want to get that temple to a healthy state, and I want to keep it as it was meant to be--God's sanctuary.
One day at a time.
That's all I can do.
With God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. I don't know His timeline, but I know that He is faithful to hear my cries and to answer my prayers.
Thank you to everyone for the continued texts, cards, comments, and hugs. You have no idea what that means to this fat girl
I mean, God's girl!
I knew it was bound to happen.
I should've been more prepared.
I let down my guard.
I put down my shield.
And the lion crept in.
I woke up feeling like a whale this morning.
As a matter of fact, when I looked in the mirror, I had these terrible flashbacks of "Free Willy" in my mind. . .
Where was that girl who had been waking up feeling like SuperGirl?
What happened to those feelings of empowerment?
Want to hear the "excuses"?
Randy was out of town. I had the kids all by myself. I don't like going to bed without a man in the house. It was just me and the kids so we should do something exciting--why not go to Kobe's? H. would love that. . .what's the harm? I won't eat it all. I can push the plate back. Oh well I messed up Friday night. Tyler won his game. . .may as well celebrate with a CookOut milkshake, right? He hasn't won many. I know I have lowfat ice cream at home, but it's just not the same, right? And who can eat a vanilla milkshake withot fries to dip in it, right?
Enter Shamu.
Sigh.
The excuses don't count anymore. Because I know that the excuses are just the enemy trying to discredit my BELIEF that I AM WHO GOD SAYS I AM and I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM.
God was faithful and merciful.
I'm still at my eight pounds.
And I'll have to work a little harder this week, but not on my food, on my BELIEF.
Because it's not just about calories anymore.
When I lose sight of who is in charge of my life, my body, and what goes into it, I lose sight of the goal of returning my body to the temple God created.
And that is what I want to be.
Not a beauty queen.
Not the next runway model.
But, God's temple--healthy.
Conscious of what I put into His sanctuary.
Back off enemy. . .you may have won this battle, but I have won the war!!!
"It's been long journey, but I have been blessed. . ."
That song rings so true in my life lately.
I've officially lost 8 pounds.
It was up to ten, but we splurged on L*ttle Ca*sars this week.
Although I shouldn't splurge, I know that the only way I can ever be successful is to allow everything, but in extreme moderation.
I've also begun drinking my water. YUCK!!!! I do NOT like water!
But, I've been doing it.
The thing is, though, even though I've lost only eight pounds, I am feeling so EMPOWERED by God and His grace.
EMPOWERED was the key word for week one in Made to Crave (MTC).
At first, I laughed, but as more time goes on and I continue to ask God to walk with me through my struggle, I am finding that more than ever I am feeling empowered to keep on going!
I've started walking down the hallways a little quicker, and with my head held a little higher.
I feel better.
And I know that before long, the scales will start to catch up with the success I already feel inside. God is good.
He is who He says He is, and He will do what He says He will do.
And when I humbly and earnestly ask Him to help me get healthy, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He will give me what I need to do just that!
I'm BELIEVING GOD!!!
P.S.~Thank you so much to everyone for the comments, texts, emails, and kind words. They help me more than you could ever possibly know. . .and God always has you to send them at just the right moments!! May He richly bless each of you!!!
The amount of responses I have gotten from this series has just been so overwhelming!!
And so fulfilling. . .
And so scary. . .
Now that the whole world's watching to see what God is going to do with me and through me, well. . .there's no stopping me now!!!!
At this point, I have lost 5 pounds.
Whew!
Five down, about, uh, 135 to go~!!!!
I know, I know, baby steps. . .
The enemy would have me to think "Awww, come on, Lynn, it's just water. After this, things will just go right back to where they started."
And normally, I would believe him.
Satan, YOU'RE A LIAR!!!!
GOD took those 5 pounds from me, and He ain't givin' em back!!!!
I am CLAIMING HIS VICTORY AS MY OWN!!!! And praising Him for His mighty blessings!!
I now realize that it is no coincidence that I am pursuing two Bible studies at the same time right now. That was God-ordained, too.
I started Made to Crave a couple of weeks ago, and it has been such an eye opener to me, but when I started Believing God, that made it SO REAL to me!!
I am believing HIM. . .I am trusting HIM to heal me!! And I KNOW He will!!!
You may have noticed from the title that I have changed my name.
And with good reason.
God doesn't see me as a FAT GIRL.
He sees me as:
**His forgiven child (Romans 3:24)
**His set-free child (Romans 8:1-2)
**His accepted child (1 Corinthians 1:2)
**His holy child (1 Corinthinans 1:30)
**His made-new child (2 Corinthians 5:17)
**His loved child (Ephesians 1:4)
**His close child (Ephesians 2:13)
**His confident child (Ephesians 3:12)
**His VICTORIOUS child (Romans 8:37)
Hmmm. . .think I'll adopt the term "God's Girl" for the rest of my journey!!
I'm thrilled that several of you are going to join me, and you have no idea how the postings, comments, followers, and texts have encouraged me.
Don't stop!!! The enemy isn't happy with me right now. . .I still covet your prayers and your support!!
Oh.
My.
Word.
If you read my earlier blog, I have begun a journey.
I gave you my confession that I need to make some major life changes.
And stick to them.
I've been working on this Bible study for a few weeks now:
And, I must admit, I have found it to be quite empowering. I am learning to trust God with my cravings, and have been very devoted to responding to my workbook questions as honestly as I know how.
It has been rather painful.
But God. . .
Yesterday I was sitting in the parking lot of Belk awaiting their opening. While I sat there, I was working on my response questions for Chapter Four in my study. . .it is all about finding a "friend" to partner with me during my journey--to be able to confide in, who will keep me on target, and to be my prayer warrior.
Now, this is a problem in itself.
For a looonnnngggg time, I have been asking God to send me a special someone that I could consider my BFF (except in every true sense of the word). Someone that I could truly be myself with (and they would keep coming back!).
So, this chapter was kinda tough for me to swallow. . .I knew that me having that oh-so-important partner for my journey just wasn't going to happen.
I'm going to share with you two of the answers I wrote sitting in my van in the rain awaiting the opening of Belk. . .
Question #1: "The ironic thing about asking a friend to join me on my journey is that the majority of my friends do not have a weight problem. I don't know that they would have any idea about the struggles I face. And it is very difficult to realize that I can't be like them--that God didn't make my body to be able to eat as i choose with no fallout. And I always keep my feelings to myself --why would I share thoughts like that-- they are just silly, childish notions."
Question #2: "I do not want to invite a friend to help me on my journey to healthy eating because 1) I don't want to disappoint them; 2) I know they don't have the extra time or energy; 3) deep down they probably don't care; and 4) most of them are already healthy anyway.
I put my pen down, grab my purse and get ready to head out into the rain.
My phone goes off.
I glance over to see who has texted me, and this is what I see:
"Just read your blog!!! I would love to be your partner. . .I have done this [Bible study] but probably should do it again!"
Are you kidding me????
I had Godbumps on top of my Godbumps.
But, you know how my life goes. . .that was just the beginning!!!
Tonight was our first night of my second Bible study that I am going to work on this spring:
I guess it didn't hit me until tonight the "irony" of the title.
So, anyway. . .our fearless leader, Deidre, usually is kind of quiet.
She doesn't like to ruffle feathers or make waves in the water if you know what I mean.
But tonight. . .
Wow! Tonight was so different!!
But in an oh-so-good-way!!!
She introduced our study with John 5:1-5 and asking us the question, "What is it that you are sick of??"
And "Don't you want to get well??"
She then quoted Psalm 107:20 "He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions."
Okay.
So, by this time, tears were streaming & I had to head to the bathroom just to pull myself together!!
God is SOOOOO good!!!
I KNOW that I am going to be okay.
I KNOW that God is going to heal me of my weakness and my struggle with food.
I KNOW it!!!
Beth Moore gave us this analogy tonight:
Put aside the "pretty" shoes
. . .and put on the "hiking" boots. Let's go on a journey with God!!!
I am so ready to see what God has in store for me.
He is who He says He is.
He can do what He says He can do.
I am who He says I am.
I can do all things through Him.
His word is alive and active in me!!!
I do not have any idea why, for the life of me, I would choose to share what I am about to share.
But, I have to.
I recently started a new Bible study:
This is one that I chose to do on my own terms, following a group online.
I'm not sure what I expected from this, but let's just say that I am struggling.
I am struggling not with who I am, but with who I know God could make me to be.
I guess I thought this was going to be the ordinary, run-of-the-mill diet book.
Ha!
Here's the gist:
If I want to conquer, truly conquer my weight and my eating issues, I must re-direct my cravings from FOOD to GOD.
I'll stop and let you read that one more time.
Now, I'm going to admit here in cyberspace for all to see that when I first saw that, I thought it was absolutely ridiculous.
(I've asked God to forgive me already, so don't throw stones there!)
The statement that really got me, though, was this:
"My weight is a direct reflection of my choices and the state of my health." (emphasis mine)
Wow.
That hurt.
Deeply hurt.
Because it is TRUE.
The author stresses that she believes God wired us to "crave." However, that "craving" is not to be directed to items, TV shows, food, lustful things, etc. That "craving" should be directed toward Him and only Him.
Interesting concept. . .I was hooked.
The questions that I have been asked to answer throughout this journey so far (I'm only three chapters in--holy cow!!!) have been sooooo tough. But only because I soooo don't want to be honest.
I am at a definite crossroads in my life.
I weigh more than two "average" humans combined--the most I have ever weighed.
I fail at diets.
I do not like to exercise.
I will not live to see either of my children graduate from high school at my current body weight.
And just when I was ready to put the book down (no point in continuing if I am just going to fail, right??), God showed up.
He's done this to me before. . .
Remember my post on the well???
He's done it again.
Rita wasn't supposed to teach today.
But God. . .
Randy begged me to go to his class with him. . .
But God. . .
Our Sunday School topic for the day was on "the impossible."
And how, with God, there is no "impossible."
Like Sarah having a baby at the age of 90.
Or Moses leading his people through a sea.
Or little David killing a giant with a slingshot and a rock.
Which was a right between the eyes reminder that, regardless of my body weight, with Him, I can overcome. And I can become healthy again.
And I want that, soooo badly.
But I want to do it different this time.
I am in the process of looking for a counselor.
No diets, no fads, no pills, no quick fixes.
I want a good, Christian counselor to listen to me. To share their knowledge with me. To help me through this journey.
And I am depending on my friends whom I know will read this post to give me their full support.
And their prayers.
Oh, how I covet their prayers.
I want to get to the root of the problem. I want to empty my bucket of so many issues and start over with a brand new TarHeel blue bucket that will be filled to the rim with God and his love. His grace. His mercy.
I can't do it.
I already know that.
But He can.
For with Him, all things are possible.
I believe that with every fiber of my being.
It's going to be a long road.
I'm not going to be perfect.
But I will experience healing. . .in many different facets of the word.
And I am so excited to see what God will show me along the way.
So please, dear friends, add to your prayer journals this request:
"Pray for the fat girl!"
