March 20, 2012

Seeing Life Through God's Eyes

As you probably remember, I'm working on (and actually finishing up) my most recent Bible study, "Believing God" by Beth Moore.
And, I am so far behind that I am almost ashamed to show up every Monday.  That's sad, isn't it?

Anyway, Beth had this brilliant idea (please note the sarcasm) that we should get our life story on paper in order to leave a heritage for our children.

I really did think it was a neat idea to begin with. . .honest.

Until I got started.

You know, there are some things in my past that I prefer to leave as memories for a reason. 

But, Beth insisted that I carry through.  So, I diligently began answering her questions and slowly I started to have some interesting thought run through my mind.

I lost my dad at a really early age~~I was only five.

Although I don't have lots of memories of him, I remember enough to know that my world revolved around him and I thought the sun rose and set in him.
I didn't know what the paper bag he carried with him everywhere he went contained.

I didn't know that he wasn't the best husband to my mom.

There were lots of things I didn't understand at five.

But, even at 35, there are some things I just prefer to deny.  Or ignore.  Or pretend just didn't exist.

Anyway, I don't remember mourning. . .I don't remember being lost or distraught.  I guess I've either hidden those memories or I was just to young to really understand at the time, and as I grew older, having life as just mom and me was the only thing I knew.

As I continued to answer Beth's questions about how God has worked in my life (and understand, I'm only up to age 14 at this point), I had a startling realization.

As far back as I can remember, I always liked to be alone~~play alone, ride my bike alone, hide behind the piano and read alone.

Yet, I was never really alone.

I had more imaginary friends than I could count on my fingers and toes.  I had imaginary children in my classroom.  I had dolls that "talked."  I had imaginary patients in my "hospital."  Everywhere I went, I had some make-believe someone to fill my time.

Anyway, as I was working through Beth's questions, the thought crossed my mind, what if all of those imaginary "friends" weren't so imaginary after all?  What if they really were God's tender voice giving me the comfort and support that I needed and craved?

The first time the thought crossed my mind, I really believed I had gone off the deep end. . .

But the more I think about it. . .

It just makes sense.

Maybe I'm crazy.  Maybe I've added 2+2 and gotten 263.  But, then again, maybe I'm on to something.

Either way, it's such a comfort to know that God is right there with me, no matter how he chooses to talk to me.

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