I Am STILL God's Girl!

I think you guys kind of figured out from my last post that I am going through a really difficult time right now.

There are lot of reasons (of course, when it rains, it pours, doesn't it??)

H. has been soooo difficult the past few weeks.  I think we have moved out of the Terrible Two's and into the Tormenting Three's.  I have to continually remind myself that 1) she is little, b) I am out of patience, and 3) I have to keep my other issues out of her way.

But that's tough.

Then, there's Randy.  He is having such a hard time with his job.  I tell him often to leave work at work, but I don't really have any room to talk (I'll get to that later). 

He comes home so tired and so mentally frustrated. . .it's just been hard to watch him have to deal with all of that.  Plus, he broke a tooth in half (welcome to the middle ages where we now get crowns on our teeth and not our head) and something is wrong with his eye (thought it was pinkeye, but. . .uh. . .nope). 

Get one credit card paid off, introduce another thousand in doctor bills.  One step forward, two steps back.  Yikes!!

Right now, Tyler is the only normal part of the family.  Hmmm. . .Scary!

And me, well. . .

I want to be really careful to not enter into a pity party here.  I've been having enough of those lately.

But, these last few weeks have been beyond tough for me. 

For the obvious reasons listed above, add a terrible cold a while back, and then there are issues on my job that have me down-right flabbergasted.

I love my friend Piper.  (Be sure when you see her to tell her how beautiful she is--she was a little nervous about sending me her picture!!)

I've heard her say many times, "Why didn't I learn that lesson the first time?  What's it going to take to get through my head??"

Piper, I'm right there with ya, baby!!

You simply cannot trust people anymore.

It is a very sad statement of truth.  People have their own agendas, they are looking out for #1, and you simply have to remain guarded in EVERYTHING that you say and do.

I won't go into details here, because that is what the enemy would want, I'm sure, but I have recently been accused of not doing my job well for reasons that are absolutely ludicrous.

As a matter of fact, the things I am being accused of are actually the reasons that I truly believe God put me in the place that I am, serving the kids that I serve. 

Apparently God forgot to mention that to those people.

Anyway, while struggling through all of these things and wondering where things have gone so terribly wrong with a few people that are presenting me such challenges, I have the following things hit me between the eyes:

Bible Study:  Beth Moore's Believing God, page 96  "Perhaps you have also felt pain when someone important to you didn't give you a blessing in the area where you feel most called to serve God. . .We can deeply desire the blessing of mentors or others we respect and love in ministry."

Hmmm.  Coincidence.

My virutual calendar on my desk:  "We can find ourselves in the middle of a situation that affects us profoundly but is not of our creation at all.  If you try to run from the situation, you may be overlooking the fact that the Lord has placed you in the middle of that tough place for a reason.  And if you will begin to pray, you can become the instrument by which the climate of that setting will be changed."        ~~Jack Hayford

This is not funny, Lord.

Wednesday night service, Preacher Dale's sermon:  1 Peter 1: 6-7  Remember God's purpose for tribulation~~it is a time to separate the good from the bad;  He does this simply for our own good & for His glory. . .God allows trials that test our faith, but also that will toughen our faith.  God's grace will always be sufficient to get us through the trials.

**You will never be closer to God than you will be in the midst of a trial**

"The Refiner is never far from the furnace when His gold is in the fire."  --Charles Spurgeon

(ohhhh how I love this picture!!)

Okay.  Okay.  I give up.  I get it.

Thank you Lord, for putting me through trials that bring me closer to you.  Thank you for sending me constant, undeniable signs from you that you are trying to do a work in me, not destroy me.  Thank you, Lord, for the peace that surpasses anything that anyone on this earth can say or do to me.

Oh yeah, and Thank you, Lord, for taking away two more pounds!!

Keep praying. . .I'm in the fire, but I'm not gonna be burned!!

This Girl Under Construction

I know that it's been a while since I've posted.

I've done that for a reason.

There is a lot going on in my life right now, and I know that when I start to write about those things, I tend to not be able to stop.  And the things going on right now certainly do not need to find their way onto a post out in CyberSpace.

I love you for telling me my posts have blessed you.

I love you for loving me enough to take the time to read about my boring life.

I'll be back. . .

I'm just waiting on God to give me liberty to be here.

Please pray for me and for my circumstances. . .

Sick, but Blessed

So, here I sit.

I should be heading into our Sunday morning preaching services.

Instead, I am piled up in my recliner (a blessing in itself as I have been in bed the past 36 hours!) with my trusty quilt, my glass of ginger ale, and my box of Kleenex.

I've had the crud.

I know now why people call it that!

So, anyway, I thought while I was here in peace and quiet, sneezing, coughing, and watching "The Brady Bunch," I'd catch you up on my February blessings. . .

Wednesday, February 8th:

a gift broken:  my spirit. . .right now everything about my job it up at arms, including the possibility that I might have the same group of kids next year that I have now.  I've lost many hours of sleep over this, as I have some very difficult students this year. . .

a gift fixed:  my spirit . .I have resigned to turn my job and the issues that go with it over to God and allow Him to direct my paths, regardless of what the future holds.

a gift thrifted:  being fortunate enough to be able to give things to others who are in need. . .and finding my own thrifty bargains for my kids!!F

Thursday, February 9th:

three gifts that were surprises--unexpected graces!!

1)  Finding out that my principal is going to order iPad2's for all of the teachers--Whhooppeee!!!

2)  My kids were unusually good to me today. . .thanking Him for small favors!!

3)  The introduction to the crud--which has only gotten worse, and forced me to slow down!

Friday, February 10th:

three times I heard laughter today--

1:  listening to H. & her daddy giggling while brushing her teeth this morning

2:  hearing the audience cracking up during "Alvin & the Chipmunks:  Chipwrecked"-- Randy & I took Tyler to the movies for an unexpected surprise!

3:  Preacher Paul, Kim, Perry, Tina, and our family laughing all the way down the street at finding each other watching a movie as silly as "The Chipmunks" together!!

Saturday, February 11th:

three gifts found in working:

This was kind of tough, as I spent my morning watching Tyler's last basketball game, then went straight to bed and stayed there until Sunday morning!

So, I looked back at "working" in general, as opposed to just today--

1} being blessed to have a job
2} having a job that, for the most part, I know I was destined to do
3} knowing that the people I work with are good, Christian people and are like my family

Sunday, February 12th:

three hard eucharisteos

"eucharisteo"-- "to give thanks"

1.  It is very hard to give thanks for being sick, but I am grateful that my sickness is not worse than it is.

2.  It is very hard to give thanks for God taking my mother when I was so young, but I know that I will see her again and my questions will be answered someday.  I am thankful that she isn't suffering anymore.

3.  It is very hard to give thanks for Randy walking out on Tyler and me about six years ago.  But, had he not, none of my family would have found true salvation or a home at my current church. . .what a blessing!!!

HAVE A GREAT GOD-FILLED WEEK!!  :-)

February Faithfulness

Friday, February 3rd:

Three gifts found in writing:

1)  My lesson plans.  With so many people not being able to find work these days, I am so blessed to have a job doing what I love.  My lesson plans just remind me that I am truly where I am meant to be in life.

2)  Watching Tyler fill out the Valentines for his class.  His handwriting is so sloppy, bless his heart.  I wonder if that means he may be destined to become a doctor. . .

3)  My Bible study, "Believing God" has really pushed my spiritual limits.  I am having to dig deep to be able to express what I believe, why I believe it, and work on increasing my faith in God. . .something I desperately need!
 
Saturday, February 4th:

Three gifts found when bent down:

1:  The numbers on the scale have been decreasing.  As of Saturday, God has relieved me of eight pounds.  I am believing in Him to help me continue to get rid of the rest! 

2:  H.'s hugs & kisses.  She is soooo precious.  And there are some moments that she is such a loving little thing!  Growing up way too fast!

3:  Food in my cabinets.  Something I take for granted when there are people who don't have cabinets, much less food to put in them.

Sunday, February 5th:

one gift stitched~The quilt on my bed.  I made it by hand myself, a hidden talent I didn't realize I had.  But moreso than that, I was sooo determined to finish it, it was do or die!  I'd love to see that determination in my weight loss!

one hammered~Having a roof over my head and knowing that no one can ever take it away from me or from my children.

one woven~Warm shawls to wear to church on cold winter nights.

Monday, February 6th:

Three gifts found outside

1}  the few breaks of sunshine in a foggy, depressing day   

2}  the crisp, cool air. . .reminding us that nature is slumbering, preparing to come to life soon (and that it's not too late for snow!)

3}  the full moon. . .As dreaded as it is for any classroom teacher, you cannot deny that its beauty comes from God.

Tuesday, February 7th:

Three gifts red

1]  The blood of Christ that gives me salvation and everlasting life

2]  The words of Christ found in my Bible written in red

3]  The hair color of M., a student in my class.  I have a tough group this year, but she is always in the best mood, has a wonderful smile, and jumps in to help me do anything I need without complaint.  I just love her!

God's Girl Gets Blasted!

What.

A.

Night.

I walk into Bible study to get hammered by three sweet friends about my post yesterday.

In Bible study.

Seriously?

I guess what better place. . .what was I gonna do??  Start a shouting match?

I want to make sure that everyone understands, I give the enemy no credit whatsoever for anything that he does.

But, I also know that I have some folks following my blog who claim that I am an inspiration to them (that's what they say. . .go figure!)

Anyway, I want them to understand that the journey will not be easy.

The enemy will be lurking around every corner.

And we have to consciously decide to take him down before he sneaks in.

I could've taken my pity party and considered it a defeat.

But I didn't.

My God is bigger than that.

And I am BELIEVING HIM to see me through this process.

Obesity is an illness. 

I didn't get this way in a week, and I am not going to be healed in a week.

I read this statement in "Made to Crave" this morning, and it had a PROFOUND influence on my thinking:

"I am a Jesus girl who can step on the scale and see the numbers as an indication of how much my body weighs and not as an indication of my worth."

When I get to the point that I can look at the scale and be able to claim that statement for my own, I will consider myself victorious.

Not over the weight I've lost, but over the struggle to destroy the vicious cycle I am have been in of losing, gaining, losing, gaining, and losing again.

I am not going to be a part of that cycle anymore.

And I have God to help me through it.

Something I've never had belief and trust in while losing weight before.

My body is a temple, fashioned by His hands, breathed on by His breath.

I'd say that makes me doggone special.

And, I want to get that temple to a healthy state, and I want to keep it as it was meant to be--God's sanctuary.

One day at a time.

That's all I can do.

With God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.  I don't know His timeline, but I know that He is faithful to hear my cries and to answer my prayers.

Thank you to everyone for the continued texts, cards, comments, and hugs.  You have no idea what that means to this fat girl

I mean, God's girl!

The Return of the Fat Girl

I knew it was bound to happen.

I should've been more prepared.

I let down my guard.

I put down my shield.

And the lion crept in.

I woke up feeling like a whale this morning.

As a matter of fact, when I looked in the mirror, I had these terrible flashbacks of "Free Willy" in my mind. . .

Where was that girl who had been waking up feeling like SuperGirl?

What happened to those feelings of empowerment?

Want to hear the "excuses"?

Randy was out of town.  I had the kids all by myself.  I don't like going to bed without a man in the house.  It was just me and the kids so we should do something exciting--why not go to Kobe's?  H. would love that. . .what's the harm?  I won't eat it all.  I can push the plate back.  Oh well I messed up Friday night.  Tyler won his game. . .may as well celebrate with a CookOut milkshake, right?  He hasn't won many.  I know I have lowfat ice cream at home, but it's just not the same, right?  And who can eat a vanilla milkshake withot fries to dip in it, right? 

Enter Shamu.

Sigh.

The excuses don't count anymore.  Because I know that the excuses are just the enemy trying to discredit my BELIEF that I AM WHO GOD SAYS I AM and I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM.

God was faithful and merciful.

I'm still at my eight pounds.

And I'll have to work a little harder this week, but not on my food, on my BELIEF.

Because it's not just about calories anymore. 

When I lose sight of who is in charge of my life, my body, and what goes into it, I lose sight of the goal of returning my body to the temple God created.

And that is what I want to be.

Not a beauty queen.

Not the next runway model.

But, God's temple--healthy.

Conscious of what I put into His sanctuary.

Back off enemy. . .you may have won this battle, but I have won the war!!!

God's Girl's Journey Continues

"It's been long journey, but I have been blessed. . ."

That song rings so true in my life lately.

I've officially lost 8 pounds.

It was up to ten, but we splurged on L*ttle Ca*sars this week.

Although I shouldn't splurge, I know that the only way I can ever be successful is to allow everything, but in extreme moderation.

I've also begun drinking my water.  YUCK!!!!  I do NOT like water!

But, I've been doing it.

The thing is, though, even though I've lost only eight pounds, I am feeling so EMPOWERED by God and His grace. 

EMPOWERED was the key word for week one in Made to Crave (MTC).

At first, I laughed, but as more time goes on and I continue to ask God to walk with me through my struggle, I am finding that more than ever I am feeling empowered to keep on going!

I've started walking down the hallways a little quicker, and with my head held a little higher.

I feel better.

And I know that before long, the scales will start to catch up with the success I already feel inside.  God is good.

He is who He says He is, and He will do what He says He will do.

And when I humbly and earnestly ask Him to help me get healthy, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He will give me what I need to do just that!

I'm BELIEVING GOD!!!

P.S.~Thank you so much to everyone for the comments, texts, emails, and kind words.  They help me more than you could ever possibly know. . .and God always has you to send them at just the right moments!!  May He richly bless each of you!!!

January Joys, February Faithfulness

Monday, January 30:

Three old things seen new

1)  God's word.  My Monday night Bible study has been such an eye-opening experience for me.  I am learning more and more how to give myself into believing God completely.

2)  My job.  The kids in my classroom have been very difficult this year.  Every Monday is a chance to see them in a new light, and a chance to prayerfully change how our week will go.

3)  Report cards.  Uggg.  But yay!!!  My babies have made so much growth this year in reading and math.  I am so proud of them!


Tuesday, January 31st:

a gift found on a paper: My water bill was wayyyy down this month.  Every little bit counts!

in a person: My principal, Mrs. Amos is a true blessing to me.  I thank God for a boss who is a true, genuine believer in God, His word, and prayer.  I also appreciate the fact that se is very understanding where family is involved.  There aren't many people that can say that about their administrators!!

in a picture:  This is my Believing God bracelet.  I got it from Nikki at Marchese Creations, which is found at www.etsy.com.  I was thrilled when I found out that she could make me a Carolina blue one!!!  It should arrive in the mail later this week!

Wednesday, February 1:

a gift found at 11:30pm~Lunch time!!  And time to catch up with my teammate Marti. . .she's going to the Believing God Bible study with me--Love it!!

a gift found at 2:30pm~The bell rang for my kids to go home.  Enough said.  (It's been a long week!)

a gift found at 6:30pm~Walking into my church! I am so very blessed to have such a wonderful church home and church family where you can absolutely feel the presence of God as soon as you walk through the door.

Thursday, February 2nd:

Three things overheard today, all gifts

1}  that I should be nominated for Teacher of the Year. . .that made me feel pretty good!

2}  Tyler telling me how much he loves me under his breath, thinking I wouldn't hear.  (He's too big to say it out loud anymore, ya know??)  He's the best!

3}  H. squealing at daycare before I even get to the door to get her.  She was having a blast!!

What has blessed you today?