January 24, 2012

The Fat Girl's Journey Continues




If you read my earlier blog, I have begun a journey. 

I gave you my confession that I need to make some major life changes.

And stick to them.

I've been working on this Bible study for a few weeks now:

And, I must admit, I have found it to be quite empowering.  I am learning to trust God with my cravings, and have been very devoted to responding to my workbook questions as honestly as I know how.

It has been rather painful.

But God. . .

Yesterday I was sitting in the parking lot of Belk awaiting their opening.  While I sat there, I was working on my response questions for Chapter Four in my study. . .it is all about finding a "friend" to partner with me during my journey--to be able to confide in, who will keep me on target, and to be my prayer warrior.

Now, this is a problem in itself.

For a looonnnngggg time, I have been asking God to send me a special someone that I could consider my BFF (except in every true sense of the word).  Someone that I could truly be myself with (and they would keep coming back!). 

So, this chapter was kinda tough for me to swallow. . .I knew that me having that oh-so-important partner for my journey just wasn't going to happen.

I'm going to share with you two of the answers I wrote sitting in my van in the rain awaiting the opening of Belk. . .

Question #1:  "The ironic thing about asking a friend to join me on my journey is that the majority of my friends do not have a weight problem.  I don't know that they would have any idea about the struggles I face.  And it is very difficult to realize that I can't be like them--that God didn't make my body to be able to eat as i choose with no fallout.  And I always keep my feelings to myself --why would I share thoughts like that-- they are just silly, childish notions."

Question #2:  "I do not want to invite a friend to help me on my journey to healthy eating because 1) I don't want to disappoint them; 2) I know they don't have the extra time or energy; 3) deep down they probably don't care; and 4) most of them are already healthy anyway.

I put my pen down, grab my purse and get ready to head out into the rain. 

My phone goes off.

I glance over to see who has texted me, and this is what I see:

"Just read your blog!!!  I would love to be your partner. . .I have done this [Bible study] but probably should do it again!"

Are you kidding me????

I had Godbumps on top of my Godbumps.

But, you know how my life goes. . .that was just the beginning!!!

Tonight was our first night of my second Bible study that I am going to work on this spring:
I guess it didn't hit me until tonight the "irony" of the title.

So, anyway. . .our fearless leader, Deidre, usually is kind of quiet.

She doesn't like to ruffle feathers or make waves in the water if you know what I mean.

But tonight. . .

Wow!  Tonight was so different!!

But in an oh-so-good-way!!!

She introduced our study with John 5:1-5 and asking us the question, "What is it that you are sick of??"

And "Don't you want to get well??"

She then quoted Psalm 107:20  "He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions."


So, by this time, tears were streaming & I had to head to the bathroom just to pull myself together!!

God is SOOOOO good!!!

I KNOW that I am going to be okay.

I KNOW that God is going to heal me of my weakness and my struggle with food.

I KNOW it!!!

Beth Moore gave us this analogy tonight:

Put aside the "pretty" shoes
 . . .and put on the "hiking" boots.  Let's go on a journey with God!!!

I am so ready to see what God has in store for me.

He is who He says He is.
He can do what He says He can do.
I am who He says I am.
I can do all things through Him.
His word is alive and active in me!!!


Piper said...

YOU GO GIRL!! I have prayed for you on and off today. God has put you on my mind so many times.... so I just prayed. See me tomorrow night.... I have something for you!!
I have my boots ON and I am shaking in them! What a journey this is going to be!!!
Love ya!!

Deidre said...

I love that you called me a 'fearless' leader :) Because I want to get WELL right along with you. May I truly become fearless!

We all have our junk, Lynn.

Praying for you - you pray for me.