January 22, 2012

True Confessions of a Fat Girl

I do not have any idea why, for the life of me, I would choose to share what I am about to share.

But, I have to.

I recently started a new Bible study:

This is one that I chose to do on my own terms, following a group online.

I'm not sure what I expected from this, but let's just say that I am struggling.

I am struggling not with who I am, but with who I know God could make me to be.

I guess I thought this was going to be the ordinary, run-of-the-mill diet book.


Here's the gist:

If I want to conquer, truly conquer my weight and my eating issues, I must re-direct my cravings from FOOD to GOD.

I'll stop and let you read that one more time.

Now, I'm going to admit here in cyberspace for all to see that when I first saw that, I thought it was absolutely ridiculous.

(I've asked God to forgive me already, so don't throw stones there!)

The statement that really got me, though, was this:

"My weight is a direct reflection of my choices and the state of my health." (emphasis mine)


That hurt.

Deeply hurt.

Because it is TRUE.

The author stresses that she believes God wired us to "crave."  However, that "craving" is not to be directed to items, TV shows, food, lustful things, etc.  That "craving" should be directed toward Him and only Him.

Interesting concept. . .I was hooked.

The questions that I have been asked to answer throughout this journey so far (I'm only three chapters in--holy cow!!!) have been sooooo tough.  But only because I soooo don't want to be honest.

I am at a definite crossroads in my life.

I weigh more than two "average" humans combined--the most I have ever weighed.

I fail at diets.

I do not like to exercise.

I will not live to see either of my children graduate from high school at my current body weight.

And just when I was ready to put the book down (no point in continuing if I am just going to fail, right??), God showed up.

He's done this to me before. . .

Remember my post on the well???

He's done it again.

Rita wasn't supposed to teach today.

But God. . .

Randy begged me to go to his class with him. . .

But God. . .

Our Sunday School topic for the day was on "the impossible."

And how, with God, there is no "impossible."

Like Sarah having a baby at the age of 90.

Or Moses leading his people through a sea.

Or little David killing a giant with a slingshot and a rock.

Which was a right between the eyes reminder that, regardless of my body weight, with Him, I can overcome.  And I can become healthy again.

And I want that, soooo badly.

But I want to do it different this time.

I am in the process of looking for a counselor. 

No diets, no fads, no pills, no quick fixes.

I want a good, Christian counselor to listen to me.  To share their knowledge with me.  To help me through this journey.

And I am depending on my friends whom I know will read this post to give me their full support. 

And their prayers.

Oh, how I covet their prayers.

I want to get to the root of the problem.  I want to empty my bucket of so many issues and start over with a brand new TarHeel blue bucket that will be filled to the rim with God and his love.  His grace.  His mercy.

I can't do it.

I already know that.

But He can.

For with Him, all things are possible.

I believe that with every fiber of my being.

It's going to be a long road.

I'm not going to be perfect.

But I will experience healing. . .in many different facets of the word.

And I am so excited to see what God will show me along the way.

So please, dear friends, add to your prayer journals this request:

"Pray for the fat girl!"


Anonymous said...

Dear sweet Lynn,
Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable. You can count on me to pray!

Love You,

Piper said...

OH wow Lynn.... I am so proud of you! You are so brave to just put your heart our there for all to see. You know I will pray for you and this situation. Like Preacher Dale said last night, go to God for all things. Answers cannot be found without His leading in your life. I really need to go back to this study and jump in head first. I love the way she points you to the Lord in each and every chapter. Get you a spiral note card book and as scriptures speak to you, write them down. When satan throws that curve at you and you think you want to give up....crave HIS WORD.... go to that spiral and fill up on HIS goodness!!
Love ya!! You go girl! You can do this!!!
"For ye are bought with a price, therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." 1 Corinthians 6:20
oh and K has this on a notebook... Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!”
― Audrey Hepburn

Anonymous said...

I will be praying for you!! I may need to join you!!!!
Love you bunches

rita said...

I will pray for you.
Please dont give "in" or give "up"

1 John 4:4
"Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world"

Mark 10:27b
...With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.

look forward to reading all that God does for you on your journey.

Love ya

Deidre said...

Okay, I finally read it :) (I don't like the last line, though). BUT, I am SO very proud of you. What I know to be true of God is that He gets and gives glory when we are open and honest. Only the enemy works when we're holding secrets. We can't do anything apart from Jesus Christ, but the good news is we don't have to. I'm committing to pray for you so we'll just sit back and watch God do His thing. I love you!

Becky Biddy said...

I just read your blog and I am speechless. I too am struggling with my weight. I have looked and looked at this book. I know now it is the book for me. Everything you said is exactly how I feel inside but never said out loud. I need to get better not only for myself but for my children, husband, and my health issues. I am 30 years old have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes. I am headed down a bad road. I will pray for you on your journey and hope that you will pray for me as well. I am going to go shop online for this book now.